im listening to a mix nick made.gosh its so good.the music is absalutely beautiful.today was a rough day.its not good for me to look at my brasil pictures.oh, and its definately not good to listen to Cuando Passa la Chuva…because, well i become really sad and accidently hit cars in front of me.ooops.my life is a mess right now.i need to organize my life.i just dont know where to start.

im still trying to adjust to all the changes in my life right now.i graduate in may.oh im excited! still, dont know what im doing.i just know i will be going to the philipines.

today i recieved a few emails from some of my students today and other people i met in brasil.oh, i just became too attached to them.i miss the hugs and kisses from my students.i miss the sucos.i miss the brazilian soap operas.i miss bonnie, baby, and pedro.i miss adan and elisabete.i miss alesa and gabriella.i miss the barra beach.i miss planning lesson plans.i miss luiza mahin and the staff.i miss the fact that i was able to be in a tank all day long and not be cold.i miss the MUSIC sooo much. i miss the triangle…ryoko and mr.moon.i miss my chaotic and loud classes.i miss speaking and listening to portugese. two months was not enough.i wish brasil wasnt so far away.

 

 

i sound like a broken record, but oh i miss brasil!

i have not written on here in so long.i just had no time with all the emails i was sending.i missed my lap top and i am definately not missing the internet cafe’s.oh, especially when when random men are sweet talking as i am trying to email.oh, brazilian men.lol.they are so different from americans.

so after two months, i am back.honestly, i am having a hard time adjusting back to my life here.i feel out of place and out of the loop.for two months, brazil and my placement was my life.plus, brazil and the U.S. are so different. i have been quite sad this week and cant stop crying.why am i so emotional? and i dont think anyone around here understands what im feeling.i never thought adjusting back to the states would be so difficult.

yesterday during classes i felt completely out of place.everything in the U.S. just seems so superficial.americans seem superficial.i just dont know how i can look at life the same after my trip to brazil.

yesterday i bumped into a friend.she went to romania for her internship this summer.i told her how ive been feeling and she completely understood! she told me she experienced the same thing when she came back from romania.im not weird for feeling this way!

i then met a student at my school who is from brazil.she is from salvador! oh, what joy.she speaks portugese and now i can practice portugese.meeting her really made my week.i just miss brazilian culture so much.she asked me about brazil, and like a wimp i started crying when i began telling her about  my placement. if only my students were here.i miss them so much.

i feel guilty.living this life of privilage makes me feel guilty.after seeing the conditions in which my students live, i cant help but feel guilty with everything that i have. why? they deserve so much more.i prayed for them this week.i pray they continue going to school and i just hope the best for them.they deserve everything.i just want to be with them right now.the day i left, most of them cried.i see those faces and it breaks my heart.i didnt want to leave them.i just hope they realized how much i adored each and every one of them.

i had an amazing summer.